Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Bryce is the person I liked most recently…and I haven’t spoken to him in almost four years. Do with that information what you will. 

Bryce and I worked together, and I thought he was cool. We would chat some in the app our work used, and he eventually asked for my number. 

I didn’t think it was a romantic thing, but maybe I was wrong. 

The more I talked to Bryce, the more I realized I was starting to like him. Then, one day, he stopped responding to texts. 

I texted him the night I got to my hometown to be with KP after she received her cancer diagnosis, and I didn’t hear from him again until later that summer when he randomly texted me. 

I decided to just see what happened, and I was fully myself. I would text Bryce silly questions about what he would do if there was an alien invasion, a zombie apocalypse, etc…I would send him fun facts about our astrological signs, and Buzzfeed quizzes. 

The one thing I’ll give Bryce is he was extremely supportive of my creative endeavors. He read stuff I wrote, wanted to see the craft projects I was working on, etc… 

It was really refreshing, and I genuinely thought I had a grip on things this time. 

However, Bryce was sporadic in his texting, and I’m really bad about waiting for any sort of DTR conversation and convincing myself people don’t like me. 

So, I did something extremely stupid. Shocker. 

Bryce and I were friends with someone. Let’s call him John. 

John hadn’t been shy about slipping into my DMs and asking for my number. At first, it was innocent, and then, one night, we sexted and essentially had a one night stand. 

And looking back, that’s all John wanted – a hook up. 

Soon after our escapade, John called things off because I was supposed to come back home to check in on my place in a few weeks, and we were going to hang out. 

John told me that he was very into me and “this,” but with the COVID uncertainties, we couldn’t continue talking in the same capacity we had been. 

John also turned it around as though I had initiated everything. Had I initiated the sexting? Yes. Had I asked him to hang out when I came back to town? Yes. 

However, that man asked for my number, responded to all of my Instagram stories, commented on my Facebook statuses, etc… 

John FULLY initiated all of this, and that I won’t take the fall for. There are a lot of actions I will take responsibility for, but I won’t here. I digress. 

After John called things off, I got drunk for one of the very last times I ever would and moved on. 

I would respond to his text after two weeks and tell him I was fine just being FWB (which I meant) and apologize for not texting him back before then. John hasn’t spoken to me since. 

Right after I texted John, I got a text from Bryce for the first time in a while, and it was so nice. I realized how stupid it was to have thought John wanted anything other than sex from me, and I took it as the universe giving me another chance. 

Bryce and I continued to text and even hung out when I came to visit Austin. We had a really fun night. 

We’d continue to talk until I tried to self-sabotage again a few weeks later. I’d finally gotten a job offer, and KP and I knew I had to come home. I loved her so much, but I couldn’t stay at my grandmother’s for a myriad of reasons. 

Around Thanksgiving, Bryce and I had been talking about me coming home, and I said, “No pressure, but you finally get to meet Pudge and Sadie soon.” 

He responded, “I don’t know why there would be pressure meeting a friend’s dogs.” 

That’s when it hit me. I liked him, but he didn’t like me. 

I was crushed. 

Bryce texted me several times over the next few days, and I didn’t respond. I felt absolutely hopeless because I had, yet again, thought someone liked me, and, yet again, I completely misread the situation. 

I decided to just take the L and let Bryce disappear into the ether. But then he just kept checking on me, and I felt bad. 

I convinced myself to just text him back and see what happened. And, for a while, things were good. 

We made plans to hang out the first two Saturdays I was back in town, and I *think* they were dates? I honestly couldn’t tell you. 

The first hang went well, and then, as with the other three stories, it all went to hell in a handbasket. 

The days leading into the second Saturday hang weren’t…great. 

I texted Bryce to see if he was off Christmas Day like I was, and I thought we could watch some of the holiday movies we’d talked about, eat junk food, etc… 

Bryce then proceeded to tell me that he had a bunch of stuff going on, so it would be at least 6-8 weeks or so before he could hang out again. 

For some people, this might totally work. Personally, I like to see someone once, maybe twice a week when I’m first talking to them (again, I can’t confirm that’s what was actually happening here). So, this wasn’t going to work for me. 

One thing led to another, and I wound up telling Bryce he should hang out with someone else that weekend, and he told me I was being bratty. 

Friends, I will fully admit I often set unfair expectations on people. 100%. 

But this wasn’t that. I was blindsided. 

You can also argue that Bryce and I weren’t together, and, honestly, may have not been anything outside of friends. That’s also fair. Back to the story. 

Bryce wound up apologizing, and I wound up apologizing, and our hang out session was back on. 

Bryce also made himself very clear about something, but I was totally in a “I can fix him” mindset. Bryce told me he liked to be as busy as he was; it’s on me for not taking him at his word. 

We hung out that Saturday, and it was absolutely wonderful. Then, I messaged him the next day, and Bryce acted like an entirely different person. 

He was short with me, and I felt like I was annoying him…and that’s how it would be for the rest of the time we talked. 

I never knew if Bryce was going to be the same Bryce who was happy to answer my silly questions, if I was going to feel like I was annoying him, or if he would respond at all. 

It was a big shift, and I’m not entirely sure what happened or if it had anything to do with me at all. Hell, I can’t even tell you for sure whether or not this man liked me as more than a friend. 

The most confusing piece of evidence was when Bryce texted me about someone liking him and said it would probably “make me mad.” 

I have no clue how else to interpret that outside of us talking, but it’s just that. I have no clue. 

The last big blow in the Bryce situation was when I tried to text him about a hard day at work, and he tried to respond with a joke instead of being supportive. I don’t think there was any ill intent AT ALL, but it just wasn’t what I needed, and I knew Bryce could be supportive if/when he wanted to. 

A couple of weeks later, Bryce texted me and said he was going to be so busy in the upcoming year and didn’t know what to do. 

I had already thought things had fizzled out between us, but I took this as him saying there was no way anything else would happen. 

With nothing left to lose, I told Bryce that while I respected his lifestyle, I didn’t understand it. I told him I lived by the Ferris Bueller school of thought, and I was able to do some of the coolest things I’ve ever done by giving myself some downtime. 

Bryce never responded. 

I texted Bryce one last time that year when I wrote my piece about Bo Burnham. He responded and said he would read it. 

This summer will be three years since I sent it to him. I know it’s a long piece, but I feel like three years might be a bit excessive. 

I actually did like Bryce a lot, and before the weird shift after the second hang out, I did actually think we were on the road to something. 

I also think John told Bryce what happened between us because John unfollowed me on Instagram, and Bryce never texted me again right around the same time. 

I don’t think Bryce will ever see this, but if he does, I do want to confess something: 

Bryce, I never liked John. I never had feelings for John. 

I was lonely and horny and emotionally wrecked because of KP’s cancer diagnosis and not knowing if I would be able to keep my apartment. 

I never had feelings for John. I would apologize to you, John, but I…don’t think you deserve it. 

But, Bryce, I did genuinely like you, and if you ever slow down, I’ve had the same number since 8th grade. 

Out of everyone, Bryce is the only person I think I would ever give another chance. 

And, Bryce, I hope you finally watched Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. 

I’ll see you in the next one.