Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Well dear readers, we’re officially 19 or so hours into 2024, and it’s been 0 days since my last spiral.

I’ve been internalizing some feelings. And last night, they finally bubbled over and have been on a nice simmer ever since.

My sister and friends are always more than happy to talk things out with me, but I had the all too familiar feeling that I would be a burden if I reached out.

Plus, like most writers, I’m better at articulating my feelings through a piece of writing than I am a text message or conversation. I digress.

Lately, I’ve had this weird loneliness creeping in; it’s a yearning for companionship.

It’s wanting to have someone else in my apartment, even if they’re in a different room; their presence would be enough.

It’s wanting someone who will take me on spontaneous road trips to Buc-ee’s and Butler Park.

It’s wanting a teammate to help with the dogs and other things around the house.

It’s wanting someone to refill my water tumbler when my nails are wet.

I’m aching for deep-rooted companionship.

KP once bought me a Wonder Woman keychain from The Lego Store at the mall because she said it was me, but I feel like even Wonder Woman needs to hang up the invisible lasso and fall onto the couch with someone every now and then.

I’m not jaded, and I’m more than aware that relationships aren’t all rainbows and sunshine. They take work and dedication.

There are moments when you think to yourself, Well, the gals from “Cell Block Tango” had a point.

But, I still want the cheesy and goopy idea of someone to wake up to and fall asleep with every night.

However, I know what I want and have high expectations (thanks to past experiences where I didn’t).

I know that no one is perfect, but for some reason, I’m aching for my perfect person.

The person who gets me better than anyone else, who loves me unconditionally, who enjoys this weird world I’ve created for myself.

Who is okay with me being vulnerable in my writing, who respects my pop culture work and asks me sincere questions about it, who will go get me Taco Bell after a long day

Who gets annoyed when I get up without pausing a movie or show, who looks at me with disgust when I eat Chef Boyardee out of a can, who groans when I have to send them out for something at the store because I forgot to put it in our order

That’s what I’m absolutely yearning for. I’m willing to wait to find that kind of perfect, but goddamn, if it isn’t lonely here in the meantime.