Nobody puts baillee in the corner

(Veronica Sawyer was one of my fictional character, so I have to throw a Heathers reference in there to stay trendy.) 

First and foremost, I’m so deeply sorry for not writing in so long. The past few weeks have been interesting to say the least, and I’ve been waiting to write until something good happened. The catch is I realized I can’t stop dwelling on the bad until I wrote about it, so here goes. 

Right now, I’m angry at the world. 

I’m upset because I only had a good dad for a few years, and I have to watch the man who actually cared about me slowly wither away and be taken by a disease with no cure. 

I’m frustrated because I acted upon some signs (billboards, really) from God and the universe, and I think ignorance really might have been bliss in this particular scenario. 

I’m pissed because I can’t concentrate fully on my friends and family because I can’t shake silly emotions (let the record show emotions aren’t silly, and you should never think they are; I’m just angsty, remember?) 

That leaves an important question. What am I going to do about it?

For once, I’m going to cry. I’m going to pout and let my friends buy me tacos and listen to as much angry girl rock as I can muster. I’m going to write shitty poems and watch A Cinderella Story. I’m going to drink some rum and make self-depreciating jokes (much to my friends’ dismay). I’m even going to finally start writing again. Why? Because that’s how you cope. You have to make yourself feel things to keep going. 

You may not get the closure you want. You may not get the answers you would choose. You may not even get the blog post you thought you would. However, there is one thing you will get: better. In this moment though, they do suck, so embrace it. Listen to the music you had on your Myspace page and eat too much ice cream. Eventually, you will chin up, buttercup, but for now, know that I’m listening to “Torn” on a loop right there with you.