Nobody puts baillee in the corner

For the first time ever, I actually feel a change with my age. Yes, I am well-aware I’m only 23, but I’m also self-aware of the things going on around me. I have friends in relationships that are living together. I have friends who have started calling their jobs their careers. I have realized there are a lot of songs with lyrics talking about being 23. My 23 year is already shaping up to being a strange year. I feel like my adulthood has officially started (Note to self: write a Facebook status tomorrow asking where the best place is to get a flu shot). The downside is I’m starting to think about future things I never thought I would think about. I’ve even stopped immediately transferring my Wells Fargo save as you go $1 back to my checking account. Shit’s getting real.

I never thought I would be one to starting thinking about a five year plan, and quite frankly, I’m still not. It’s just that I feel like I’m on some sort of lag. At times, I feel like I’m on Netflix on my mediocre wifi where briefly the sound and audio don’t line up while my friends are on high speed wifi from the future. I feel like I’m a step behind. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, and I still wander off in grocery stores because I see a shiny object or seasonal aisle in the distance, but I’m also (gasp) growing up. I’d rather stay home and watch Netflix than go to a party. I’m pretty financially stable. I finally threw out my Hot Topic Friends with Benefits card. Life is moving crazy fast, and I’m not okay with it.

I’m pretty smitten with my title of the independent and free-spirited friend, but there are times I feel like I’m ready to settle down (in the Baillee MaCloud Perkins definition of the phrase). I’m kind of ready to start the next chapter of my life. I want to keep writing and podcasting and wearing two different Halloween socks in July, but I’m also kind of ready to have a writing career (#tbt to the beginning of this post). I’m ready to be done with really terrible dating attempts and failed relationships. I’m scaring myself writing this, but I need to write it out to start making any sense of it. Adulthood is so freaking bizarre. My life has always been full of absolute sitcom insanity, but my adult life might as well have been co-created by Greg Daniels or Ryan Murphy. I want to keep being surprised and pleased and moody, but I also want some since of stability. I basically want everything, so I don’t think I’m asking for too much here. I don’t even know how to end this weird caffeine-fueled reflection because my adulthood is only just beginning. I’m only starting to get excited about Combo Loco coupons and the things my health insurance covers. With that being said, I’ll leave you with the wise words of John Mulaney with no context since, “Adult life is already so goddamn weird.”