Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Okay, so, this is the point in Love is a Working Title where things start to get…messy. 

I’m not gonna lie…

This story is one that makes me look awful. 

It also takes place over the course of two decades. 

Yeah…

Buckle up.

For the first 15 years of my life, I lived two houses down from Riley. 

Although a house separated us, we would always play together, and we grew up together. 

When I was like 10, I asked Riley if he would be my boyfriend. 

He reluctantly agreed and proceeded to tell his mom, who called my parents, and our “relationship” came to an end shortly thereafter. 

Riley and I stayed friends throughout high school, and after he graduated (he was a year older than me/graduated early), he told me that he had liked me since we were kids, and he finally wanted to shoot his shot. 

Now, I want to go ahead and confess up top that I’ve never had feelings for Riley.

However, as I’ve told y’all before, I was extremely insecure in high school, and so I was excited at the prospect of a boy liking me. 

I loved Riley to pieces, and I considered him to be one of my best friends, but again, I just didn’t have those feelings for him. 

But, a la “Champagne Problems” by Taylor Swift, everyone told me how good of a guy Riley was (it was true), so I agreed to go out with him on Valentine’s Day during my senior year of high school. 

Now, I told Riley that I didn’t want to tell anyone (outside of my family and a couple of best friends), which was so shitty of me, but he agreed and was just so excited to think that I liked him back. 

He picked me up for our date, and I immediately felt AWFUL because he had made me a mixed CD, bought me a stuffed animal and chocolates, and even brought me one of his hoodies because I was notorious for stealing jackets and hats from boys I liked. 

It was clear to me that I was being so incredibly cruel, but I went along with it. 

We got to the movies, and I refused to go inside because it was so busy and reminded him that I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about us. 

But, I lied. 

I actually didn’t want to go inside because a) I had/have social anxiety and b) more importantly, I didn’t want anyone to see us together because I was embarrassed. 

Riley wasn’t conventionally attractive, and even though he had dated several of our friends, I was worried that if people saw me with him, they would make fun of me. 

2025 Baillee doesn’t believe in conventional beauty standards and likes who she likes, but 17-year-old Baillee did. 

Instead, we wound up driving around for hours and eventually picked up his cousin, who was like his brother. 

The boys eventually dropped me off, and Riley wound up ending things with me soon after. 

He was 100% in the right for dumping me, and we stayed friends for the next couple of years. 

Then, during my junior year of college, on the heels of the Spenser thing, I led him on again. 

I know, I know. 

And, y’all, this time was even worse. 

This boy all but told me he loved me, and I told him I had the same feelings when I absolutely didn’t. 

(I also realize now that he did say a couple of racist things during this time, so things wouldn’t have worked out regardless) 

This boy was talking about how he wanted to marry me one day, like THAT serious. 

I wasn’t secretive about it this time, so every person I knew was pressuring me into dating him because he was a “good guy.” 

But, I’ve just never felt that way about him. 

After about a month or so, right before he was going to come visit me, I broke things off again. 

He seemed to take it in stride, but when he and the aforementioned cousin came down, I noticed at dinner that my name in his phone now had a broken heart emoji next to it. 

Everyone told me I would regret breaking things off with him, but I’m glad I listened to my gut. 

More on that later. 

Riley’s and my friendship was on life support at this point, unbeknownst to me. 

During my senior year of college, I got trashed one night after being rejected, and I decided to lament to Riley.

Riley said, “Well, whenever nice guys try to date you, you reject them, so I don’t know what to tell you.” 

Now, as much of a red flag as it is that he pulled the “nice guy” card, to be fair to him, I messed with his emotions on two different occasions, so he had a right to call me out. 

Granted, it wasn’t constructive or handled maturely, but the dude had a right to be upset. 

A couple of weeks later, we hung out when I was home for the holidays, and I got wasted. 

He and his cousin bought me dinner, and I commented on how I was so lucky to have a friend like Riley because he was like the brother I never had. 

I think that’s what sealed the deal for him. 

After that night, Riley stopped responding to my texts and phone calls. 

The last time I heard from him was when I graduated, and he left a congratulatory comment on my Facebook wall. 

I believe Riley and I are still friends on social media, but he never posts. 

Now, let’s go back to the comment I made earlier about trusting my gut. 

Riley and I never would’ve worked. 

I wasn’t out at the time, and I don’t know if Riley would’ve been okay with the fact that I’m queer. 

Additionally, Riley didn’t challenge me the way I personally need to be challenged in relationships. 

Now, that’s not a dig at Riley AT ALL. 

I just need a balance of comfort and challenge, and I never got that with Riley. 

Over the years, Riley was a really good friend; I’ll give him that. 

I should’ve been honest from the very beginning, and I never should’ve let it escalate to the point it did on either occasion. 

Fortunately, things never got physical because, if I’m being totally honest, I might’ve let Riley be my first, just to have gotten my virginity vanquished. 

And again, that wouldn’t have been fair to either one of us. 

I…don’t know if Riley and I would still be friends if things hadn’t turned out the way they did. 

Riley’s beliefs leaned…more conservatively, and I’m not sure where he stands now. 

I’m not here to speculate, and I hope that he doesn’t lean that way still. 

It does make me smile to think about how Riley had a safe in his bedroom that had R-rated movies and that we would always eat a ton of S’mores Pop-Tarts at his house. 

I also think of him when I hear “Our Song” by Taylor Swift because it was on the mix CD he made me. 

Riley, I’m so sorry for stringing you along for so long. 

That was so shitty, and I had no right to do that to you. 

You had strong feelings for me, and I should’ve never let you think I reciprocated when I didn’t. 

I do hope that you found someone great who feels for you what you feel for them. 

Until next time, dear readers.