Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Out of the five people I’m choosing to write about, Austin’s story is the second hardest to tell, next to Matty’s. 

Austin is definitely one of my “almosts.” I feel like in another life or another universe, we could’ve been great. But, I think the timing was just off, and I think we both needed to really work on ourselves. 

I truly think Austin’s heart was in the right place, and I think we were both doing the best we could in the situations we were in. 

There’s so much I could say, but I think it’s best if I just get on with the story. 

Austin and I worked together, in what seems like now, a lifetime ago. I’d been there a while, and he started one October. It’s common knowledge that Halloween is my favorite holiday, and when I had this particular desk job, I would decorate my little battlestation with Halloween decor and bring treats for others. 

The first day Austin started, I gave the entire team some of those plastic spider rings that come in a variety of colors and never actually fit on anyone’s fingers. I know this seems like drivel now, but it’ll come back in a big way. 

He had just moved to Austin from the east coast (hence the pseudonym), and I was looking for a roommate. Austin was interested (I still have this apartment because it’s a PRIMO spot), but he had another prospect, so he needed to meet with them first. 

Austin’s meeting didn’t go well, so he moved in later that month. 

Multiple people in my life were convinced he liked me, but I initially didn’t like him back and completely shrugged them off. 

I thought I’d just gained a drinking buddy* who happened to be a nice guy. And then, it happened. 

*By drinking buddy, I mean someone else who had a drinking problem. 

The moment. It can be as simple as a glance or a smile, but it’s THE moment your heart flutters. It’s the “Oh, fuck” moment. The moment you realize you’re falling for someone. 

There are several ways to my heart. Pop culture knowledge is one, and being musically inclined is another. Austin checked both boxes. 

I was back on my bullshit in no time. 

However, I will say, this situation felt different. I digress. 

I thought we liked each other (and based on later events, I don’t think I was totally wrong), so decided this time would be different. *eyeroll* 

I would try to be more patient and wait until he announced his feelings or gave some indication of where his head was.  

I wound up leaving that particular job, but Austin continued working there. I was close with several of the peeps there, so I was invited to a lot of their happy hours and gatherings. 

One night, I was at a local bar with several of my old coworkers and Austin when someone asked Austin how it was going with the girl he was talking to on Bumble. 

My heart sank. 

I more than recognize we weren’t together, and he didn’t owe me anything, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. 

One of our coworkers recognized I was upset and shot me a text from the other end of the table. I told him I thought something was going on between Austin and myself, and he responded that other people did too. 

I announced I was calling a rideshare, and Austin asked if we were leaving. 

I said, “I am.” 

I said my goodbyes, and Austin followed me out of the bar. The entire ride home, he kept trying to get me to laugh or talk, and I wasn’t swayed. 

I got home, took my dog out, and fell asleep crying. I also gave him the silent treatment for several days. When I finally caved, I tried to tell Austin how I felt. Y’all, I really did. 

I told Austin I was upset about Bumble girl, and he asked me why I would be upset about that. I said I just was and apologized, and that was that. 

And, I feel like this story sets the tone for the rest of our tale. 

That February, I got trashed, and I mean T R A S H E D. I’m talking about an entire shaker of El Presidente margs from Chili’s and two bottles of wine T R A S H E D. I came home after having a Galentine’s Day with Dana (from Trevor’s story) and another one of my best friends. We’ll call her Heather. 

Austin was hanging out with a couple of peeps from my old job at our apartment, and Dana, Heather, and I decided to end our day by hanging out with everyone. As the day got later, Dana’s boyfriend came to pick her up, and it was just Heather, Austin, two of my old friends/coworkers, and myself. 

We’ll call those old coworkers Jack and Charlie. Jack and Charlie were roommates, and Jack had crashed on my couch after we’d gone out before, so it wasn’t uncommon for him and Charlie to come together but for Jack to rideshare home the next morning. 

Austin wound up going to bed, and Charlie asked Jack if he was crashing with us, and Jack nodded. Then, it was just Heather, Jack, and myself. 

I was telling Heather about how I felt like I needed to get laid, so she was working on getting me a one night stand on Bumble while Jack was asleep. Or so we thought. 

After Heather left, I found Jack had “woken up.” He sat his head in my lap, and we started talking while I absentmindedly played with his hair. Jack and I then wound up in my bed together, where he proceeded to try to kiss me, admitted he heard the conversation about me wanting to get laid, and then confessed that our friendship was essentially a long con. 

I told him that we were both wasted, and I don’t take drunken confessions seriously. Multiple people have gotten drunk and then confessed their feelings for me, but don’t ever repeat themselves when they sober up. So, I refuse to accept any drunken words. 

I let him know that if he had these feelings for me when he was sober, we could talk then. I’ve never been able to sleep well with another person in my bed, so I watched videos on my phone while Jack slept. The next morning, Jack called a ride share and told me he would text me later, and I went to work. 

When I got home from work, Austin asked if Jack had spent the night, and I told him yes, not realizing it was entrapment. 

“Funny,” he said, “I got up in the middle of the night to get water, and I didn’t see him on the couch.” 

WOOF. If you felt the air leave the room, imagine being there. 

I told Austin that Jack slept in my room, and without mincing words, Austin asked, “Did you sleep with him?”

I told Austin it wasn’t any of his business, and he repeated the question. I told him I didn’t, and I’ve never seen someone look so relieved. 

Not long after the great Valentine’s Day non-hookup of 2019, all hell broke loose. 

I wanted a promotion, so I was working as much as possible at my job, which meant I was exhausted. One of my friends was visiting, and I FINALLY had two opening shifts in a row, meaning I could go to sleep early. I was elated. 

My friend and I planned to hang out and then be back at my place early because I was exhausted, and she had an early flight the next morning. We got back to my place, and, friends, I fell asleep…fully clothed…with my Doc Martens on my feet. My friend just let me sleep because everyone knew how much I had been working, and I woke up a couple of hours later and put myself to bed. 

For a few minutes. 

My phone started ringing, and a frantic Charlie was on the other line. It seems Jack, Charlie, and Austin had been drinking, and, uh, some things went down. 

Now, I’m only going to focus on the Austin part of this story, as the other parts aren’t my story to tell. 

Charlie had thrown Austin in a rideshare, and, let’s just say, Austin wasn’t in the best shape. 

I got him inside, and he said a lot of things, including telling me to “go fuck [myself]” when I was trying to get him in bed, and things about “fucking everything up.” 

I helped Charlie clean up other parts of this messy night. I finally made it back home around 3:00am and had to get up four hours later for work. 

The next morning (or, I guess, later that morning), Austin texted me to ask me what happened the night before, and I texted him five of the most anxiety-inducing words you can text someone, “We’ll talk about it later.” 

Austin was understandably nervous, and, to be honest, I could’ve been more forthcoming. He told me that he’d pick me up from the bus stop and buy me food so we could talk about it. Austin also preemptively apologized. 

I told Austin everything that happened, and he apologized again. I also told him I wouldn’t go through anything like this ever again, and he said he understood. 

After that night, things were fine for a while. 

Then, I decided to get on Bumble. I started talking to a guy, and he came over to watch a movie. I texted Austin that I had a gentleman caller as a courtesy. 

When Austin got home from work, he proceeded to loudly watch TV in his room the entire time my date was there. In fact, my date asked me if Austin was my ex because it seemed as though my date’s presence was upsetting. 

As soon as my date left that night, Austin’s TV shut off. I don’t know if Austin was upset or was just trying to look out for me, but either way, the TV shutting off the second I shut the door behind my date was way too coincidental. 

I only went on another outing or so with my date, and Austin also started casually dating a girl. 

But, like with Jack, Austin asked me if I was going to sleep with Bumble Boy. I, once again, told him it wasn’t his business. And when he asked again, I said, “I don’t know. Probably.” 

Things with Bumble Boy didn’t last for very long (and we only fooled around, thank you), and he dumped me, which led to me bawling, getting wasted, Austin holding me while I cried, Heather coming over, and the famous drunken DM to Trevor. 

What a time. 

Later that summer, my birthday would, yet again, prove to be the catalyst for everything.

Growing up, KP (my mom) made birthdays a big deal; she even filled my entire bedroom with balloons for my 15th birthday. I had shared all of these details with Austin. He even had the idea for us to get a group together to go somewhere on my bucket list. 

Austin then decided to fly back home on my birthday weekend and didn’t tell me Happy Birthday until the day was almost over. I was so hurt that I didn’t talk to him for almost two weeks. 

There was a reason Austin flew back, but it wasn’t the main reason. Put a pin in this. 

During the two weeks I wasn’t speaking to him, I found out from an old friend/coworker that Austin had told all of them that he would be moving back home when his lease with me was up, which is partially why the big freeze lasted so long. 

I know I initiated the cold shoulder, but I can’t describe how much it hurt to hear through the grapevine that Austin was leaving, and I truly believe he should’ve told me. 

I apologized for freezing him out, and the last few weeks we lived together were good… 

Until his final weekend in town. 

I was invited to his going away happy hour that my old job was throwing. I went, and, at first, everything was fine. The catch was, anytime I was speaking to any of my male coworkers, Austin would randomly show up. 

Granted, I did ask him to keep an eye on one old coworker of mine if they cornered me, but this was with any male coworker. 

I got a little tipsy (which was surprising for me during these years), and I wound up standing with Austin and linking arms with him. 

Here’s the thing. I’m the absolute worst when I drink. I’ll fully admit it. But, I didn’t deserve what happened next, and Austin knows it. 

I was telling him that I was really going to miss him, when a girl he worked with walked by and said hello. 

He turned to the aforementioned Charlie and said, “I’m absolutely in love with her,” dropped my arm, and turned to talk to Charlie. 

Friends, people would call me Jim Halpert in college because I would say hello to 2-3 notable people, tell a memorable story, and then leave a gathering. 

However, I’ve never done a proper Irish goodbye. I was so hurt by Austin that I walked out of the bar without so much as a word. 

I made it one block over before my phone started going off. Austin texted me to ask where I was and then called. I didn’t answer and continued to wait on the friend who was coming to pick me up. We’ll call her Jane. 

When it became clear I wasn’t coming back, Austin texted to tell me he was heading home. That’s when I turned my phone off. Jane and I went to one of our favorite spots in town and got food, and I cried to her about Austin. 

I turned my phone back on when I was heading home and had a couple of texts from Austin, the last being a funny picture of Pudge, and I responded, “I don’t really feel like laughing right now.” 

The next morning, Austin got up to go pick up his best friend from the airport. The plan was that he and his best friend were going to drive back to the east coast, and he was only taking what he could pack in his car. 

I wanted to avoid Austin, and Jane was staying with us for a couple of days, so she took the hit for me and said I was getting ready when Austin asked if I was up yet. 

When Austin left for the airport, Jane offered to drop me off at a coffee shop on her way out of town. I curled up there for HOURS and finished all of Doctor Sleep. 

Somehow, I managed to make it back home at the exact moment Austin and his friend were pulling up. 

They saw me walking up and stayed in the car for a hot minute before getting out because Austin and I hadn’t spoken since the night before. His friend and I had our introductions (I think he’s kind of a jerk, but that’s just my opinion), and Austin said he wanted to show me something. 

Do you remember the spider ring I had told you about from the beginning of our story? Well, Austin had kept it. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just asked if that was really it, and he said it was, and he wanted me to have it. 

I then excused myself to the bathroom to text my mommy. 

When I finally came back to our living room, Austin said he was sending his friend out to get some dinner. We talked and laughed and listened to music, and it was great. 

That’s when I found out why his friend was there to begin with. Austin had invited his friend because Austin felt like he needed to go home, but wouldn’t leave without someone there to make him. 

I asked Austin why he wanted to stay, and he just looked at me for a moment before changing the subject.

Later that night, Austin admitted he purposely flew home during my birthday weekend because he wanted me to hate him. 

Neither one of us ever explicitly said anything, but, in my opinion, I think that said more than either one of us could’ve. 

Austin left the next morning, and I bawled. 

I also gave Austin a letter (and told him to wait to read it until he was home) where I admitted that I had feelings for him and hoped I would see him again/our story wasn’t over. 

Austin texted me a joke the day after he left, and that’s the last time I ever spoke to him.

He liked an Instagram post of mine back in 2020, and I believe he watches my stories. 

I do think some iteration of Austin and I could’ve worked, but I don’t think it could’ve happened back then, and I highly doubt I’ll ever see or hear from him again. 

I really did like him, but I don’t know if I’m exactly what he wanted; I think I was a little too funky for him. 

I think he was looking for the girl next door, and I was one of the Owens women. I don’t think he could let himself fall for me because I have tattoos and watch horror movies and sometimes do some witchy shit (like sage my house and light candles with intentions, y’know, wild stuff). 

I could absolutely be wrong, and all of this is just my opinion. But, I think that was part of the problem. 

I also don’t think either one of us was ready to seriously date someone. I can’t speak for him, but I will say I needed to find stability, quit drinking, and actively work on my emotional problems. That’s why I’m just now looking for a relationship five years later. 

Austin, I’m glad you were an almost. There are still songs I listen to and think about you, and the box set you got me has saved me on more than one occasion when my internet has gone out. 

I honestly don’t know what would’ve happened if you had stayed, but I hope you’re doing well, and I hope you’re happy. 

In the meantime, I’ll just keep asking myself why there are so many songs about rainbows. 

See you in the next one, dear readers.