Nobody puts baillee in the corner

A few years ago, I did a project called Love is a Working Title where I interviewed my friends, my sister, friends of my friends, and one Uber driver (my true crime doc would say, “Well, he was her age, very nice, and they met in public, so her being a prime victim as a single female in her early 20s completely escaped her mind.”) about being in love and their previous relationships. 

You see, I’ve never been in love. 

There are times I’ve come close, and with one of these stories, I think that, to paraphrase the famous words of Shawn Hunter, I was as close as you can possibly come to being in love without being in love. I just still haven’t found, in the words of my RA from college, Mr. Baillee Perkins (I wasn’t out yet, so it would now be Mr., Mrs., Mx., etc…). 

That’s why I wanted to interview people. I wanted to see how their ideas of love differed and to better equip myself on what I was looking for. 

Over the years, I’ve had suitors, crushes, and situationships that didn’t end well. Honestly, almost any time I’ve liked someone, it hasn’t ended well. The proverbial notches in my bed post (even though my body count isn’t high) are legion. 

Sometimes, the reason for things ending has been my fault, and sometimes, it hasn’t. Such is life. As I continue to grow as a person, I continue to learn about what I do and don’t want from a relationship because I’ve also never been in a serious relationship. 

I’ve gone on plenty of dates, had one night stands, you name it. You are in the presence of someone who lost her virginity to The Princess Bride, after all. 

But, I have a nagging feeling that in order to move forward in my dating life, I need to revisit the past. I know people are going to say I’m trying to open the door to let some of these people back in, or I’m choosing to do this because I’ve recently talked about wanting to date again. 

You have the right to think whatever you want. 

However, I also have the write to discuss my shared experiences to take a closer look as to where things went wrong and to continue searching for what I’m looking for. 

Now, let’s get to the part I know most of you are here for: 

Who am I writing about, and what is this iteration of Love is a Working Title going to look like?

Well, dear readers, I’ve chosen five people from my past. I’m queer, but the five peeps we’ll be discussing today are all men. I’ve given the five of them aliases, and any other players in these stories will also have pseudonyms. 

I’m going to include as many details as I can/feel are necessary. I’m not here to air out any personal information about these people, and there are going to be times in these stories that don’t paint me in a good light. Like, at all. Just remember there’s a reason I stopped drinking, and I’m a lot more secure in who I am now. I digress. 

There are times where it will be clear to you that these people didn’t like me, or we weren’t where I thought we were. There will be times you’ll probably think I’m exaggerating for views. While there will always be an existing bias because it’s from my perspective, I promise you that I’ll be as honest as I can be, and I’ll try to fight this bias as much as I can. 

As for the exaggeration part, I’ve always told you that I pride myself on being as honest as possible in my writing, and I don’t plan to stop now. Just remember that you’re talking to the girl who essentially wrote gay Bring It On fan fiction and published it on the internet, and then ask yourself why I would draw the line here. 

Now, these aren’t people I had flings with, so, unfortunately, the story of the guy who suckled my entire ear like a baby bottle and the story of the guy who seriously asked a waitress to run the bill and tip at the same time because he “hates when the tip comes through separately” will have to wait for another day. 

I have done a lot of stupid shit in my life, and there are going to be points in these stories to prove it. I’ve had issues distinguishing flirting from friendship, getting territorial and/or upset when I had no right, you name it. And again, there are going to be times when you’ll find yourself screaming, “GIRL,” at your screen. 

Believe me, I hear ya, and I can tell you from the amount of times I’ve cringed and winced thinking about what’s happened over the years, I’ve learned my lesson nine ways to Sunday, albeit the hard, and oftentimes, embarrassing, way. 

I also want to reiterate that I can’t read someone’s mind, and with my anxiety, quite frankly, that’s a superpower I’ll leave on the shelf for someone else. The best I can do is tell you how things made me feel, present you with the information, and, much like Jonathan Frakes in Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction, let you draw your own conclusions. 

The five peeps we’ll be talking about have been given the following five aliases: 

• Andrew 
• Trevor 
• Austin 
• Bryce 
• Matty 

These stories will range from high school to the last person I liked. I’m going to refrain from using the word “date,” except for in the long-anticipated story of my Matty McKibben (which I’m saving for last, even though it’s not chronologically accurate). I don’t consider myself to have technically dated any of these people. And yes, I already know how healthy this must sound. 

So, friends, I think I’m going to leave it here. All five of these pieces will drop beginning on February 2, and continue throughout the month of February. Don’t worry, I’ll be super annoying about it on Instagram.

Is this one of the best ideas I’ve ever had, or is this one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had? 

We’re about to find out.