Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I’ve mentioned this a million times over, but I hate dating apps. I don’t think they’re inherently bad; I’ve just personally had more luck (if you can call it that) meeting people organically. 

If you know me, you know I’m very open and very honest. I try not to hide my flaws and be self-aware whenever I can be. That’s why I’ve decided to make my honest “dating profile,” where I lay out all of my flaws. 

It feels so damn good to just say all of this out loud (you know what I mean). I KNOW I have good qualities, and this isn’t self-depreciation for the sake of self-depreciation. 

I’m not looking for validation or anything in that vein. This is just a variation of what I’d put on my dating profile if I had one. I think it’s so much better to be honest up front than to pretend to be something you aren’t. Also, some of these aren’t flaws; they’re just things I have strong opinions on, and I won’t budge. 

Alrighty friends. This isn’t the entire list of my flaws, issues, and baggage, but it’s a start. 

• I have three dogs, two of which need some special care, and I love them with my entire heart. Yes, they sleep in the bed. Yes, they’re allowed on the furniture. No, that’s non-negotiable. 
• I love going to the movies alone to unwind. I’m sometimes too independent for my own good, and I want to keep a little of that independence. There will be times I want to do things alone, and I promise it has nothing to do with you. 
• Driving is one of the only things on this planet that scares me. I know it’s inconvenient, but I don’t drive or have a driver’s license. That won’t be changing anytime soon. 
• I don’t talk to most of my family, with the exception of my sister, brother-in-law, and one of our cousins. My close friends are like family to me. At the end of the day, I make my own decisions, but I value the opinions of those I’m close to. 
• I still bite my nails. 
• I dog sit and house sit semi-regularly, and when I do, I don’t make any additional plans. 
• I’m terrified to leave my dogs with people/let people check on my dogs. I will check in a million times and send you the massive Google doc I made with directions whenever you have to watch them. 
• I have depression, anxiety, and have been in recovery for EDs for years. 
• I’m a little over two and a half years sober. I don’t mind if you drink, but I won’t tolerate constant binge drinking. 
• My mom is dead, and I still grieve for her. I always will. 
• I have insomnia, and sometimes, I give in and stay up late writing.
• I have big issues with sitting still but will play myself and not pause whatever I’m watching when I get up. I will then rewind whatever I’m watching. I annoy myself with this habit, so I apologize in advance. 
• I have a knee and back injury combo from high school, so there are times my back will lock, or I’ll have to ice my knee every few hours. 
• I have major trust issues.  
• I refuse to change my name if I get married. 
• I realized a year ago that I don’t want to physically have kids; I want to adopt or use a surrogate. 
• If you ever cheat, we’re done. There will be no discussion. 
• If you believe in “traditional” gender stereotypes, this will never work. 
• I won’t tolerate one single ounce of homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc…
• I have very few things I won’t budge on, wedding/proposal-wise, but there are four big things I won’t budge on:
  • I want to walk down the aisle to “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star.
  • I want our first dance to be set to “Reflecting Light” by Sam Phillips.
  • I’ve had an engagement ring saved in my bookmarks for years that I want. 
  • I want to be proposed to a la Heath Ledger serenading Julia Stiles in 10 Things I Hate About You. Yes, I’m serious. 
• I write about things to sort my feelings. I’ll never publicly release anything you ask me to keep private, but there will probably be times I write about you. 
• I know that I more than likely will never have a career based around pop culture, but I don’t have any plans to stop releasing videos or stop writing. You don’t have to understand it, but all I ask is that you respect it/take me seriously when I discuss it. 
• I have voices and backstories for all of my dogs. 
• I can spiral with the best of them. 
• I don’t like traveling and prefer day trips. 

In short, I’m a lot, and this isn’t even all of it. But, I also promise I’m a whole lot of great things, too.