Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I’m so tired. In every sense of the word.

I’m completely and utterly drained because today and yesterday have been really, for lack of a better term, shitty. We finally got my grandmother’s new phone set up (she had just been letting my mom pay her phone bill for over six years, and I can’t pay for her phone), and I had to spend over four hours at the Cricket store with her today.

Fortunately, we had the most incredible person available, but add that on top of moving stuff out of KP’s apartment for the past eight or nine days and to either my sister’s, my grandmother’s for me to take back to Austin, and to Goodwill. Plus, KP’s ashes being locked in an office. Plus, some money stuff with AT&T. Plus, more than likely having to rent a U-Haul van. Plus, having to unload everything for the second time in Austin. Plus, finding the cancer journal my mother kept and openly sobbing in front of my brother-in-law and again a few minutes ago because it broke my heart.

I’m so tired.

We still have to pack the U-Haul tomorrow. We still have to clean the apartment Monday. We still have to get KP’s ashes back. I still have to hopefully get AT&T to forgive KP’s accidental charges or pay them all off by September to keep my phone (they said they would on the phone, but when I called the store, they acted like I was insane).

I’m so tired.

I still have to go to the grocery store. I still have to take care of my dogs. I still have to exist.

I’m so tired.

Grief doesn’t care how exhausted you are and creeps in. It doesn’t care that you’ve barely slept through the night. It doesn’t care that you have to stay with someone who sees grief as a competition, so you can’t even grieve properly. It doesn’t care.

I’m so tired.