Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I was originally going to go with Rosemary’s Baby for the Hail Satan prompt today, but like I’ve mentioned before, I’m trying to branch out and talk about movies I’ve either never written or talked about on my old podcast or don’t mention as frequently; thus, I landed on The Babysitter! It’s so much fun, and I love a good teen scream… especially when it comes in the form of Satanic babysitters causally murdering multiple people in the living room of the kid they’re supposed to be protecting. That’s why I’ve compiled for you a listicle featuring my top five favorite babysitter-centric horror movies out there! Sit back, brush your teeth, and make sure you get to bed on time because you never know what might be lurking in the dark, including your babysitter.

1. Halloween (1978): We’re going to start with the most obvious, and one of the best horror movies of all time: Halloween. Laurie Strode is the quintessential badass, coat hanger wielding babysitter of our dreams. She protects Tommy and Lindsay from The Shape himself and lives to see another day in Halloween II, H20, Halloween: Resurrection and then throw everything in the franchise out the window for another shot in Halloween (2018). Do as I say now and never underestimate the power of a babysitter scorned.

2. The House of the Devil (2009): You have to admire Samantha’s sheer dedication in this one. She’s hired for a babysitting job only to find she’s actually been hired to provide elderly assistance to find she’s actually been hired as a gateway for the spawn of Satan. It’s a slow burn, but it absolutely pays off, especially in those last few minutes. Who knew the best pizza topping was actually the blood of a virgin? 

3. Better Watch Out (2016): Better Watch Out is an absolute hidden gem. It starts out as your typical home invasion flick, but everything is not what it seems. I’m not going to give a lot away because it’s so much, um, better, to watch it unfold. A babysitter arrives to watch young boy, and things go awry when an attempted home invasion leads to much more dastardly doings. Better Watch Out also pulls off holiday horror well (which is a feat, in and of itself) and even utilizes decor for kills and thrills, including a wonderfully disgusting homage to a Kevin McCallister booby trap. Will the song “Last Christmas” take on an entirely different meaning for our dutiful babysitter? 

4. When A Stranger Calls (1979): Firstly, Carol Kane is an icon. Moving on. Secondly, what would you do if someone kept calling you, while you were in a strange house, and repeatedly asked, “Have you checked the children?” (That sounded way more like an introduction to an episode of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction than I meant for it to). On top of that, what would you do when you found out the calls were actually coming from inside the aforementioned strange house? Unfortunately for Jill Johnson, screaming to the sounds of swelling strings is the correct answer…and that’s just in the first few minutes. When a Stranger Calls evolves into much more than a scene with a babysitter, but if it weren’t for the babysitter and a telephone, we wouldn’t have gotten an off the hook movie like this one.

5. The Babysitter: What happens when you flip the script on the babysitter in horror? Instead of a terrified teen who fights off evil for the sake of the kids she was entrusted to watch for some quick cash and an allegedly quiet night of pizza and TV, you get a card carrying member of a Satanic cult who kills someone in your living room with her friends to their wishes granted. Samara Weaving is rapidly becoming one of the best modern scream queens out there (it breaks my heart that there was a scheduling conflict for 5cream or Scream 5, depending on which iteration you stan), and The Babysitter is so much fun. I still can’t bring myself to watch the second one just yet because I’ve heard a lot of mixed reviews, so rewatching the first one made me even more apprehensive. Just trust me when I say, don’t take every shot given to you.