Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I am comfortable in my own skin. Sure, it hasn’t always been this way, but after overcoming the eating disorders I struggled with throughout high school and college, discovering the power of self-expression through tattoos, and letting all of my artistic endeavors flow freely, I’ve been fully confident for about four years now. But sometimes, depression and anxiety and life can distort my self-image. I know I’m cute and funny. I know not to be embarrassed about any parts of myself. I know who I am. I genuinely mean that.

Lately, I had been feeling like I was floundering. There’s been a lot of uncertainty for my little brain to try to handle, so I was feeling subpar. I lost sight of the badass lady I’ve grown accustomed to seeing. Instead, I saw someone who was failing at everything she attempted. Someone who was lost. Someone who was empty. Someone who was unsalvagable. Yesterday, I finally got my true reflection back, and all it took was a hell of a photo shoot.

As a lot of you saw, I went to an art instillation specifically designed for photo ops. Initially, I was petrified. I was afraid the photos would wind up being personifications of the mental state I’m fighting through. I assumed I would have to flash a big, fake smile and pretend to be okay. I soon learned that couldn’t be further from the truth.

The FOMO Factory is incredible, and there is something downright magical about that place. I felt a light shine through me that had been veiled in darkness for weeks. It cut through the haze like a positivity dagger. I genuinely couldn’t believe that the girl in these photos was the same girl who had been on autopilot. The girl whose daily routine included disassociation. The girl who was fighting to make it through every day.

In these pictures, you can see how confident and cute and funny she is. You can see how much potential lives in her marrow. You can see a bright future beaming in her eyes. You can see her life just beginning in her smile.

She writes. She tells jokes. She does art. She connects to things from her childhood with fascination and wonder. She still sees the beauty in the simplist of things. She finds inspiration in swing sets and bubbles and glitter.

She is vibrant. She is fierce. She is me. Most importantly, she is here. And let me tell you, it’s good to have her back.