Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Today’s entry is going to be a little bit different. I actually wrote this piece essentially in another life, but I’ve never been brave enough to publish it.

TwentyMineTeen is all about me reclaiming my life and my year, so I thought now was a good time to share it. This one is kind of a bummer, and I’m honestly really self-conscious about it, but it’s hypocritical for me to promote sharing yourself and reclaiming yourself from others when I have a couple of pieces just sitting in my notebook I wrote for that very reason. 

I hope you appreciate it.

You’ve been on a loop in my mind like old sitcom episodes on basic cable.

You broke my heart. Pause for audience Awwwww.

You lied. Pause for audience laughter.

You extinguished my spark. Pause for audience gasp.

I trusted you. I almost loved you. I programmed you into my life. I only deceived you once when my eyes were so swollen from crying that my Leo pride wouldn’t let me show you what a mess you made of my tear ducts, so it happened off camera.

I fell hard. And you watched while my face hit the concrete. You put out your cigarette in front of my battered flesh while the audience watched on.

The tension was palpable as you got to freely walk away. The audience stayed silent. Just watching. Myself included. Just watching. Not fully realizing my bones were fully broken. Then discovering in horror with the audience it was me the entire time.

Our relationship was a dead-pan stare.  A cold open. A failed pilot. I knew looking into the camera it wouldn’t end well, but I didn’t care. That’s the real situational irony; I knew the entire time.

What the audience didn’t know was how well I knew you. I knew how you worked, both on and off film. I knew how you feel. I knew you until the excessive rewrites. Pause for audience’s self-reflection.

You broke down my fourth wall, but I couldn’t speak to the audience. I encouraged you to keep chiseling away at my script. Every time I pushed you away, you grabbed my wrists. I didn’t realized at the time you did it to have a better grip when you shoved me to the ground. Pause for audience’s melancholia.

You diluted my sanity false security. You tossed me away like a walk-on character. Zach Morris, eat your heart out. Pause for audience pity.