Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Do you ever just want to be better? Like full Legally Blonde, “Watch Me Shine” montage better?

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been feeling like a slightly inferior friend, daughter, an inferior This is Us fan (and if anyone tells me what the significance of the crock pot is before I get caught up, I will scream in your face, I Love You Man style).

I know it’s not true, but I feel like I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head, it’s lead me to neglect the people and things most important to me. I just started drawing for the first time in months, and this week has been the first time I’ve written in ages (insert a Kevin McAllister, Home Alone shriek), but the Uncle Buck stops here. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

I’m tired of getting caught up in things that don’t matter, and I’m sick of giving effort to people who don’t deserve a lick of my time because this isn’t Manchester Prep, for crying out loud (and if it is, dibs on Kathryn’s entire wardrobe). So tonight, I’m making a pledge. (I currently have rollers in my hair and blood red polish on my nails, so you know I’m serious.)

Being in my life is a privilege, not a right. I don’t mean that in a cocky way, and I know you are all probably thinking, “Wow, don’t look now, but your Leo is showing.” Let me explain myself: I don’t mean my life is all sunshine and rainbows, and quite frankly, if it was, it would be terrible for my writing career as every good writer is a tortured soul, blah blah blah.

What I mean is in this life, there are a lot of decisions you don’t get to make. You have to pay your taxes (unless you’re the CEO of Netflix). You have to do laundry. You have to deal with the South Congress post office. Adulting is hard. Period.

The good news is you do get a few choices. For example, you don’t have to be around people who make you miserable. You don’t have to let others define you. You don’t have to like NPR. That’s the perk of adulthood; you get to make SOME of your own decisions.

That’s why I’m making the decision to be a better friend. A better daughter. A better Baillee MaCloud Perkins. I’m through letting people down, and most importantly, I’m through letting myself down.

I’m not the girl who just gives up and lets depression take her silently into the night. I’m the girl who can rap “Bust A Move” in its entirety, wants a Dolly Parton tattoo, and can quote every line of Cruel Intentions.

I’m not the one who lets others make her feel a certain way unless it’s happy, so my pledge to you, dear readers, is to be better. I’m not sure what all it will entail, but I sure as hell know what it won’t.

Now if you excuse me, I have some red nail polish to attend to.