Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I’m dead tired of dating. I’m bored with carefully calculating every text, Snapchat, Facebook message, and the like. My eyes are going to permanently roll back in my head if I have to try to be nerdy (but not too nerdy), cool (but not too cool), or uninterested (but not too unintereted) with another dude. I’m exhausted, and I refuse to participate in this facade anymore. 

I think it’s silly that when we have feelings for someone, we immediately get scared and feel the need to hide them. I, for one, will no longer be a part of this nonsense. That’s why I’m giving up on trying. Now, that’s not to say I’m going to start rapid fire texting the dude I like in the same manner I do my friends simply because my friends and I text about WAY different things than what I would text a significant other, but I’m not going to worry about bugging someone. (Granted there is a distinct difference between cute and Fear.) Again, this doesn’t mean I’m going to hit up my crush in a texting frenzy, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to freak myself out with the idea of annoying someone just because I’m the one who texted yesterday, and it’s “their move.” 

On the flipside, I’m also standing my ground on not making the first move. I have spent roughly six years of my life making the first move instead of realizing there’s a specific reason why I’m the one always left to make the first move. Is it a double standard? Yes, but at least I’ll admit it.  I want a decent dude to put himself out there and simply say, “I like you,” if he likes me because I’ve been hurt too many times and feel too vulnernable, and I get how crappy it sounds, but hear me out. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve had to make the first move since the suffix -teen was attached to my age. I’ve had to deal with dude after dude putting me down after I’ve been vulnernable time and time again.  (Let the record show, I definitely understand you can’t make someone feel a certain way, and this is more about it not being the right guy or things being handled in the right way.)  Thus, I’ve finally adopted a cyncial attitude, and I want a righteous dude to prove to me all guys aren’t the same. I don’t need some grandiose romantic gesture; all I’m asking for is a simple “Hey, I like you,” after they’ve gotten to know me in all of my unapologetic glory.

I want them to look at the girl who watches The Blair Witch Project at least once a month, knows everything about all of Harley Quinn’s character arcs (including the one where she gets goddess -esque powers), thinks cheese is a food group, and who has seen every single Salad Fingers video at least five times and say, “Hey, I like you.” I’m not asking for a dozen roses or a puppy. All I want is, for once, to not have to be the only one to put myself out there. I want to know it’s okay to text you five times in five minutes if I’m really excited about something or once every five hours because I’m doing the thing I was excited about. I want to know it’s okay to rattle off IMDb facts about movies and not have to clarify I’m simply trying to share my passion, not be standoffish. I want them to understand I write about virtually everything, and I plan on continuing to do so. Most importantly, I don’t want to have to slowly unravel parts of myself like I’m stuck in a Weezer song. (Whoa whoa whoa.) Until the moment comes where someone looks me in the face and unapologetically tells me they like me, I’m not going to be interested in anyone. Stay tuned, dear readers.