Nobody puts baillee in the corner

The hardest part of wanting something is realizing you eventually have to let go. It’s the second you realize no matter how much you physically and emotionally yearn for it, the outcome is completely dependent on whatever powerful force or entity you believe in.

Whether it’s dating someone, landing the job, or finally watching all of the director’s cuts of all of the LOTR movies uninterrupted, we all tend to fixate on things until we mold them into some type of farce or fetish. We romanticize outcomes and then become completely consumed with making our ideas a reality. Don’t get me wrong, there is a fine line between ambition and obsession. The things you fight and work for are completely different than the ideal scenarios you daydream about. You can’t make someone feel a certain way. You can’t force a place to hire you. You can’t turn off your phone for three weeks. You can’t spend all of your time envisioning the exact outcome you want. It’s exhausting, and more often than not, no matter how good or bad, the actual outcome doesn’t align with the one you created in your mind’s eye. It’s easy to get disappointed with reality, and it’s even easier to forget that life’s element of unpredictability is what makes life rad.

Not knowing what will happen next is what keeps us living. Life is raw and dark and flawed and exquisite. In the words of Tracy Letts’s play August: Osage County, “Thank God we can’t tell the future. We’d never get out of bed.”

Don’t idolize what could be.  Work toward your dreams and aspirations, and the rest will fall into place. That’s why I’ve finally realized I have to let go. I’m turning everything in my life over to God and the universe. I’m done wasting time stressing about what could be rather than what is. Instead of fixating on what’s out of your hands,  when life gives you lemons, listen to Beyoncé and channel your energy into working toward your goals.  It’s going to be challenging, but my dear readers, for the first time in my life, I’m giving it all up to fate.

Don’t worry though, I’ll write about it all along the way because maintaining this blog is way cheaper than therapy.