Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Hey Mom,

It’s been a hell of a year. 2016 hasn’t been particularly kind to us, so I want to remind you of all of the ways you’re amazing. It seems to be getting harder and harder to stay positive these days, so I hope this lifts your spirits. I put you through 22 hours of labor, so I feel like it’s the least I can do. Here are 10 reasons you are the best in descending order a la David Letterman

10) You used to buy the difference between whatever I sold for my elementary school fundraisers and what I needed for the prize I wanted.

9) The only swear word you say is shit.

8) A few months ago, you saved someone’s life…literally.

7) You taught me how to sew up holes in my clothes, but you don’t get mad when I whine and ask for you to do it instead.

6) You physically slap the debit card out of my hand or threaten to beat me up when I try to pay for things.

5) You make the best grilled cheeses ever.

4) You scared me with the same April Fools’ Day prank for 18 years straight.

3) You bought me my first (and gateway) pair of Doc Martens in the eleventh grade.

2) You let me submit a question about you to MBMBaM, and you laughed about their advice with me.

1) You love me unconditionally.

I love you, KP.