Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Age: 40

Who was your first crush?

Oddly enough, it was when I was a child of about 3 or 4 years of age. It was a boy that was my age in the pre-K class. We were inseparable kids but I always insisted that he hold my hand when we were walking down the hallways. Going down the road as I aged, I finally realized that my attraction to boys wasn’t a preschooler fluke. My first celebrity crush? Wil Wheaton who player Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: Next Generation. Geeks are cute too!

Who was your first kiss?

My first kiss wasn’t until college, to be frank. I never found any attraction during my teen years until I found myself in college. It was a guy in my Biology study group that I found was also gay. What are your views on Tinder and other dating apps? As long as people have realistic expectations going into such applications, I say do what you wish! But I say with caution to them, tread lightly and stay level-headed about who they meet! Just knowing about someone in the virtual world is quite different versus seeing that same person up close and personal. Sometimes it’s a meeting that exceeds expectations, but also expect that the flip side of that coin can be not so delightful!

What was the best date you ever had?

I will say with utmost honesty, it was with the one I married! It was just a simple no-frills outing in which neither one of us had any huge expectations on anything, but all good things fell into place just right! Simplicity is key!

What was the worst date you ever had?

I’ll be brief. It involved me and who I thought I was going out with. The problem was he was present….but with another guy! Hmmmm, awkward!!!!

What goes through your head when you first realize you have feelings for someone?

The epiphany! The thought of “eureka, I dig this guy!” After a while of just rolling with the punches in the first few months, the conversations just start to gel just right. The way I start carrying myself is just more relaxed and less guarded. Just that feeling of being comfortable with that person.

What is the first trait that attracts you to someone?

Intelligence. I am one of those geeky brainiacs that is always buried into a book. Therefore, I apologetically go full nerd on people with little warning. If someone is receptive to whatever useless trivia tidbit I throw out…understands what that means…aaaaand can extend that conversation further with something just as equally geeky…they’ve got me.

How would you describe heart break?

I think the better term for it is gut punch! I use the analogy of being on a very high spot and having the floor unexpectedly withdraw from your feet. It’s that split second realization you have of panic, shear horror and discomfort. Take that feeling and multiply that duration by a hundred-million.

What is your break up routine?

I never was the breakup-er, I was the breakup-ee.

Have you ever been in love?

Several times! But I think each time, the heart matures itself to learn the sophistication that definition evolves into.

Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?

I think it’s not impossible! I’ve seen some people have polygamous relationships and be totally content. For myself, I would find it too much of a juggling act, especially if you’re a cad and are trying to keep one from the knowledge of the other. However, if both the people are in the know, I would feel compelled and probably obsessed with trying to ensure everyone is happy.

What does love mean to you?

Complete and utterly entranced with. Something that if it were to become absent, I would become dysfunctional without it.

What advice do you have for someone who has never been in love?

Don’t force it. It will come naturally. If it doesnt, it wasn’t ever meant to be! Also if you have to force yourself to become someone else in order to feel adequate in a relationship, it will only lead to disaster in the end.

As a side note, I’m not totally sure how many of your respondents are gay, but I would like to put a little more insight. As a gay male that will be 40 in the next upcoming month, I feel that I’m probably a more unique “species” because the gay youth of this new generation (I feel) are able to be more open about love and, even further, sexuality in the modern day. I spent a lot of my teen years very isolated and feeling as though I needed to keep my thoughts to myself. Like I said earlier, I developed a very general attraction to boys just naturally at an early age. So to say that homosexuality is a nature vs. nurture example for me is possibly very true. I never really had a physical atrraction to girls. I had a girlfriend in high school, but it was more of a “just for show” type of relationship. I feel bad in hindsight for the other girl because I doubt I acted much of the boyfriend part because I felt very awkward throughout it all. Just handholding, no kissing. I don’t think my parents ever had much of an inkling about me being gay through my teenage life, but I learned through social norms that the subject just wasn’t something to ever address. Therefore, it never was. Not until I got into college did I ever get the notion to act upon my feelings…with a large dose of caution, mind you. As someone that was trying to get myself up the professional ladder, I had to watch my footing. Once I graduated with my doctorate, I felt I could now live on my own terms and be a bit more open about myself. So I feel that my “dating side” of life came quite late for me, unfortunately.