Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Who was your first crush?

Thinking back, it’s hard to place exactly who my first crush was on. I’m pretty sure it was my baby sitter when I was really young. I had all those goofy little kid thoughts and no idea about crushing.

Who was your first kiss?

My first real kiss was backstage before my first performance with high school theatre in sophomore year. It made me miss my opening line.

What are your views on Tinder and other dating apps?

I’m not a fan. Just like I’m not a fan of dating people I’ve just met. But I understand why people use them.

What was the best date you ever had?

My favorite date was when we went to get Italian food before I left the state for school. We toured around all of our favorite places together remembering our adventures. It made me feel like we had built something over the years, something strong enough to survive the distance. So far it has. That’s why it was such an important and simple date to me. It felt like a reaffirmation of long held trust.

What was the worst date you ever had?

Senior year. Prom. We were breaking up but hadn’t committed to separating at the time. The love was gone. Dancing was lame.

What goes through your head when you first realize you have feelings for someone?

Hope/doubt? Doubt/hope? It’s hard to pin down. There’s a moment of extravagant expect ions quickly followed my massive disillusion at the realization that I don’t know that person and never could.

What is the first trait that attracts you to someone?

Eyes. Bright eyes. Their emotion held in the eyes and framed by their face. That’s what I really latch on to: the brightness of someone’s eyes.

How would you describe heart break?

Like an empty mold. We tend to built our lives up in a relationship. And we built them around the other. And when the one leaves, we feel empty. Like it was time lost, even though it fundamentally changes us and remains a process of learned failure.

What is your break up routine?

I talk to them. I apologize and just air what’s been bothering about myself, about why I can’t make it work. And I always pray they’ll stop me or offer a counter argument.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes, at least that’s what I feel. I believe I’ve been deeply in love with a number of women at different points in my life. Currently I’m in love with one. And she is everything.

Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?

Yes. I think it would be ridiculous to think otherwise. You can potentially love anyone given the circumstances. You can love them in different ways. You can even love them in the same way. Their existence answers some sort of unreachable question in your soul. There can be any myriad of answers to that question.

What does love mean to you?

We struggle a lot with trying to understand things, people; especially ourselves. When we inquire about the universe and our position in it, we question without being able to really answer it. Sometimes we don’t even know what question to ask, how to place it, or what we’ll find. Those whom I love answer those unreachable questions deep inside of me and force me to confront myself as I go about living and acting. The experience of love is the experience of ultimate answers to the ultimate questions of our being.

What advice do you have for someone who has never been in love?

You have been. Or, better yet, you have been loved. At least once or twice. Even if you aren’t aware of it all you can do is express it for those people that answer your own special questions. Love isn’t something you can ever expect to receive, but it is something you can give, and that oftentimes leads to a community of love where we understand ourselves through others.