Nobody puts baillee in the corner

This isn’t going to be one of my usual blog posts. If you blocked me for spamming your Facebook feed with updates about my latest project and decided to seek refuge in my blog, keep on scrolling buddy. If you’re with me so far, here’s some context: The idea for this project came about when I was at the grocery store, and one of those pre-made date night suggestion jars caught my eye. I made a joke about going on all of them myself when it hit me: I should go on all of these dates by myself to as some sort of weird (albeit slightly masochistic) journey of self discovery, so I took it to the streets (aka social media).

I posted to see if there was any general interest. What happened next was insane. My genius friends suggested going on platonic dates with my friends (this is the last time I ask Kanye for his input) and asking them about their viewpoints on love and relationships. Later that night, I posted a video of myself explaining my project and answering some of the questions myself. The next thing I knew, I was flooded with messages and texts from people wanting to participate (and only a few were coerced!). From there, Love is a Working Title was born. I will definitely still be posting my own original stuff on here, but Love is a Working Title entries will (hopefully) be a regular part of my blog too.

Here’s the basic setup for the series: I’ll be posting the name (unless they wish to be anonymous) of the interviewee in the title. (The video entries will be on the Love is a Working title Facebook page). Each piece will have both the questions and answers listed. That way, anyone can jump in at any time and not be lost. Along with answers, I asked the interviewee to send in a picture or pictures that encapsulate what love means to them. Each entry will end with said picture.

There’s also a second leg. Some of my friends are crazy enough to go on those aforementioned date night suggestions with me. Each of those entries will be titled Love is a Working Title: Date Night # (shame on those of you who read that as hashtag and not a number sign). I’ll start each post with a picture of the date night suggestion topic followed by what we did and what I learned. I’ll be riding solo on some of them, so I’m really interested to see what kind of trouble I can possibly get into, and I hope you are too.

If you’ve made it this far, I want to thank you for supporting this project because I haven’t been this excited about something in a really long time. I’ve gotten several submissions already and cried reading all of them. Let it be noted I have not tampered or altered these responses in any way. I’m posting all of material I’m getting as is. Love is raw and pure and beautiful and genuine, and the content I’ve received proves it. Without further ado, I present to you the first entry of Love is a Working Title.

Who was your first crush?

It was in grade school and his name was Michael McClure. I remember he gave me a toy ring with a bear on it. We had to walk in some parade for school and he held my hand. It was cute.

Who was your first kiss?
Unfortunately my first kiss was less than ideal. His name was Stephen Thacker. He was attractive but I really wasn’t attracted to him. He was popular and nice to me. He asked if I wanted to so I just thought if not now then when.
What are your views on Tinder and other dating apps?
I’ve never used any and I probably won’t. Mostly I have an irrational fear that something sinister will happen to me. I like face to face interaction. I like to be able to see people’s gestures and mannerisms when they talk. I’m really a hopeless romantic and dream about that perfect meet cute.
What was the best date you ever had?
I don’t really remember how it came about but I remember how I felt on the date. It was late and we drove into town and just walked around for hours. We talked, laughed and shared memories. Then we broke into the college baseball field and lay down to watch the stars. I know sappy. It was really simple but it was quite perfect.

What was the worst date you ever had?
I went over to watch a movie and two minutes into the conversation the guy asked if we could move this into the bedroom. I said no then awkwardness ensued. I tried to pick back up the conversation but he just sat there and pouted like a child. He wouldn’t even make eye contact or answer me. So I left without eating or watching the movie.

What goes through your head when you first realize you have feelings for someone?
Panic mostly. It’s not a fear of what if they don’t like me; it’s what if they do. It’s one thing to catch their attention but once you have it what do I do with it. It’s the fear that this person will want to stick around and learn not just about your achievements, but your failures.
What is the first trait that attracts you to someone?
I really like someone who respects others even if they are rude to them. It shows patience and kindness and it’s something I always need. I also really like eyes and hands. I think eyes are really beautiful. Everyone’s eyes are unique to them and everyone sees the world in their own unique way. I feel hands tell a story about a person; where they are going where they have been. Being able to hold someone’s hand feels like I don’t have to face the world alone.

How would you describe heart break?
It’s absolutely devastating. It really knocks you down and keeps you down for a while. It really makes you question why you would ever want to go through a relationship again. But without heartbreak I don’t you would ever learn about yourself. I feel it helps you grow not just in love but in your awareness of yourself. It made me take a step back and think not just about how I feel but how my words and actions make others feel. It made me want to better myself.
What is your break up routine?
I usually like to be alone. There are only a few choice people I would be willing to open up about how I’m feeling. In the beginning I usually just wallow and gorge myself on everything processed and carb-filled. After a while I like to use those feelings in more creative outlets. Painting is really what gets me through the storm to the other side.

Have you ever been in love?
Yes. I think I have been in love even when I didn’t know it. Being in love is weird. There is always this stigma hanging around and I don’t think social media helps with this. No love is the same and if you feel it let them know. I didn’t fall in love for any of the same reasons. For me it’s easy to fall in love but hard to fall out of it. I think that gets me into trouble. I’ve know some relationships where far from over but I just kept holding on.

Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?
Yes, and it has happened to me once. It really took me by surprise. I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend at the time for a few years. Then I just connected with someone else as well. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done differently but it’s in the past now. I think now I would be able to handle the situation more maturely.

What does love mean to you?
Love is really quite simple to me. It’s that want to grow old with someone and that want to experience the adventures of life together. Being able to laugh and be weird with each other. You must love everything they have to offer, you may not partially like some of their odd habits, but it makes them who they are. It makes you who you are and together it just makes sense. Love doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t cost anything. Love is what you make and it should always make you feel happy.
What advice do you have for someone who has never been in love?
It will happen don’t worry. There is really no way to prepare for it. I can almost guarantee it will happen when you aren’t looking for it or if you are looking for it, it will happen at the worst possible time. Just be you and be good to yourself. Love is beautiful, wild, and weird. It is magical adventure you will never want to forget.