Nobody puts baillee in the corner

I love the movie Just Friends. It’s ridiculous. It’s over the top. It has an almost mullet clad Ryan Reynolds. More importantly, I think it has some intrinsic value. I know it sounds silly for a movie I fell in love with in the eighth grade to be applicable a decade later (by the way, ten years ago was in fact 2005, not 1995 as I originally typed), but it’s true. It’s the most accurate portrayal of the friend zone I’ve ever seen. As someone with a VIP parking spot in the friend zone, I think I’m allowed to make that bold of a statement. (Sidebar: this won’t be an analysis of the movie but rather just a post inspired by it, so you can actually keep reading instead of skimming through and occasionally nodding with approval or squinting your eyes in disapproval). Therefore, after watching it for the 40 millionth time tonight, I’ve decided to finally talk candidly about the friend zone. With that being said, it’s 3AM, I’m running on iced coffee, and hidy ho officer, I’ve had a doozy of a day, so we’re just going to jump in without any sort of clever transition.

I’m going to start off by saying the thing on everyone’s mind: the friend zone can really suck. It’s a tricky spot to be in. You’re scared to make a move because you don’t want to ruin a perfectly good friendship, but you know you’ll eventually have to let those emotions out (and if you’re me, you’ve done everything from crafting a handwritten letter to blurting out your feelings and immediately leaving your own place). You don’t know if it’s going to end like the first half or last half of a Katherine Heigl movie aka whether or not you’ll still be an uptight workaholic when the smoke clears.  Basically, it blows. I have a tendency to let things go on for far too long, but I’ve learned everything has to come out in order for you to move on. That doesn’t mean I agree with some of the pictures and sayings littering my Facebook feed that claim to describe the friend zone.

I’ll be the first to admit hell hath no fury like a friend zoner scorned. You’re going to be jealous and petty. You’re going to live in self-confidence limbo where some days you wonder what’s wrong with you and others where you wonder what’s wrong with them. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re allowed to lash out and belittle the one who hurt you. I definitely agree the friendship ball is in your court if you are the scorned, and you get to decide whether or not this friendship can continue (to paraphrase Louis C.K. when you hurt someone, you don’t get to decide whether or not you did),but you can’t dwell on the past. You get lost in your own head, which in my case sounds like the female narrator of a 90s movie (preferably Cher Horowitz), and it makes you overthink everything (and at this point, you’ve probably done your fair share of over-analyzing everything while playing everyone’s favorite game show: Friend or No Friend). If you focus on the past, you can’t start to focus on the future.

It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t fully disclose the fact I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been the blocker and the blockee. I empathize how much it sucks to lose a really good friend, but I also get why sometimes you can’t keep someone in your life. The heart wants what it wants (brb, trying to get that Selena Gomez song out of my head for eternity), so you can’t help if you have feelings for someone, but on the flip side,  you can’t help not having feelings for someone either. In certain situations, it hurts more to have someone in your life than it ever did getting rejected. I wish closure came wrapped up in a nice and neat little package, but like Christmas in Whoville, it comes without packages, boxes, or bags (and yes, I totally knew that off the top of my head and didn’t have to Google a single noun). Things get messy. Love is a delicate balance of giving and taking, so if you choose to stay friends after finding out the person you had feelings for didn’t feel the same way, be prepared to hear them complain about their significant other. (This also means you need to figure out what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate to talk about with the person whose feelings you didn’t share, boo boo).

I know the friend zone isn’t as black and white as I may have made it sound. (I feel like there’s also an added layer for platonic friend zones for those you’ve only ever been friends with and genuinely only see as family, which is an entirely different entity). There are a lot more complicated layers because the friend zone is like an onion, and onions have layers, and I’ll openly admit there are a lot of variables I didn’t throw in here, but I don’t feel right using material from things I don’t know about. The friend zone is more complicated than Avril Lavigne could ever sing about, but it’s definitely the sitcom dad that teaches us a valuable lesson. The friend zone isn’t even permanent because you can always take players off the bench (I have absolutely no idea where the sports lingo is coming from, champ).  All that time in the friend zone helps to prepare you for future relationships by helping you realize what you want and what you can’t stand.

Thanks for reading, once again, through my crazy, life advice. You’re the best friend a girl could have. (I like you; I just don’t like you, like you).