Nobody puts baillee in the corner

Yeah, I know it isn’t the wittiest of titles, but I’m also on day five of my seven work day bender, so be kind here.

Recently, the “People You May Know” section of Facebook has simultaneously been the most painful and enthralling part of my life. The other night after work, two of the squares looking back at me were guys involved in my online dating disasters. Yes, one of them was the guy who suckled my entire ear like he was nursing on it. Yes, I still remember it and still cringe every time someone accidentally grazes the side of my face in passing. Yes, I’m glad he popped up because it inspired this blog post. The second was a disaster I was responsible for. He was a good guy that I self-sabotaged. I have nothing but good things to say about him. After seeing these two guys show their pixels on my ice-cream smudged phone screen, I decided to dig deeper to see what the “People You May Know” feature had in store for me.

Several of my teachers from middle and high school popped up, and oh yeah, I creeped. Some of them were great human beings who definitely made their imprint on the changing mound of Play Doh that is the one and only Baillee MaCloud Perkins, and I’m thankful for them being able to see me as a Play Doh hair studio play set instead of a plain container. On the other hand, some of the teachers that are recommended are the ones who gave me an unnecessarily hard time and treated me like off-brand Moon Sand. They’re the ones who got mad when I doodled in the margins and wrote in my journal during class because I had finished my assignment before everyone else. Honestly, I’m glad Facebook recommended them; it made me realize how absolutely wrong they were in not seeing my unshaped Play Doh potential…and I’m just getting started.

Next up are the people from high school I haven’t spoken to since high school. They’re the people that make me blurt out, “I forgot they existed!” It’s like realizing my formative years weren’t some four-year-long adolescent fever dream. Plus, it’s always nice to see the guy you were madly in love with (like, Savage Garden in love with) for the one year you were in high school together got even more attractive.

Lastly, you have the people you’ve intentionally avoided. They’re the ones from high school who either tormented you or at best gave your teenage years mild annoyance. They’re the ones in college who always had something to say in class, most of which was pretentious dribble but once on a fluke was weirdly insightful. They’re your grandmother. They’re the “painful and enthralling” introductory statement.

“People You May Know” is the worst title for what is in all actuality the “Eccentric amalgamation of everyone from your life in the past 10 years” section. The deeper you go, the farther you’ll get lost. It’s like unearthing every bizarre memory and experience from all of your online dating past, high school awkwardness, and sometimes uncomfortable present situations. Don’t get me wrong though. There are plenty of people who I see that make me smile. There are also several people I don’t know. The important thing is this serves as a my constant reminder of how my life will never be normal. My life will never be perfect. My life will be full of running into “People You May Know,” but the important thing I’ve learned is you get to make the decision whether or not you want to be friends with them. Also, it feels damn good to click the X.