Nobody puts baillee in the corner

With my 23 birthday having come and gone, I thought it was only fitting to hear from little baby Baillee on her 13 birthday. As a reminder, all of the names have been changed to pop culture references from my youth, and the points don’t matter. To avoid confusion in this particular entry, my commentary will be in brackets, not parenthesis, because dumb past Baillee decided to ruin everything and use parenthesis. If this is simultaneously unfolding in a past universe as I write this, please leave the parenthesis to the professional (in the loosest use of the term), kid. Note: One line has been altered; I cringed when I read it because of my own ignorance.

“Dumbstruck. Color Me Stupid” -Waiting (GD)

I am officially 13! Happy B-day 2 me! I’m already sick of school. Theatre [I was trying to sound grown-up, so please read this in the voice of a washed up Broadway actress to get the full effect] cracking down so hard this year [that’s legitimately how I wrote that sentence by the way] I feel like I’m [line omitted because it’s legitimately that bad. take whatever you are imagining it to be and double it by ten then subtract four, multiply by three, and then subtract your original number. if you are the 2% who got the number four, it means you see numbers as words therefore making you a sentient robot being. Please don’t go Ex Machina on me. I thought the Terminator series allowing depicting the human race as not enslaved by our robot overlords was a complete travesty]. FB [I racked my brain to figure out what this stands for, and I can honestly say I have no clue, but I know that it must be band related] is awesome! 2 Recap…

1.The Real Slim Shady pulled my chair out from under me (he’s so freakin strong!) [it was actually a total party foul and really embarrassing in retrospect, but my newly acquired teenage hormones thought it was pretty hot].

2. Zelda’s in lifeskills. [If you knew this guy, you would see why this is funny. He’s like the metal Ron Swanson, and I consider him to still be a good friend to this day. Also, for those of you who didn’t grow up in a small town, lifeskills is a PTA mom fancy buzzword for Home Ec].

3. Kelly Rowland pulled out Jay-Z’s chair from under him [which I would pay to actually see with the mentioned celebrities].

4. I hope B-rad [if you don’t still occasionally watch Malibu’s Most Wanted, I don’t know if we can remain friends] was just being super friend cuz if not, he’s was flirting shamelessly [he wasn’t].

5. The whole band sang me happy B-day. [they’re still paying off the royalties to this very day].

6. I’m killing Icky Vicky [yeah, I know this is technically cheating, but who is making up the rules here?] 4 telling everyone it was my birthday. [I secretly loved it].

7. I now ❤ [why don’t we have an upright way to make a heart that doesn’t look awkward already?] Coach MTV’s Made (joke, long story). [nope. it’s not that long. he was super hot. the end.].

8. Mrs. Dane Cook’s INSANE, but I ❤ her! [She really was the best, and I wish her nothing but awesome thoughts. I hope she’s still alive].

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY [trying to find batteries for my walkman no doubt]

BTW- Mr. Hunter talks like Pee Wee [this is actually true. I watched Pee Wee’s Playhouse the other day and instantly thought of my Keyboarding class].

“I got soul, but I’m not a soldier”

-The Killers

“All These Things I’ve Done”

Peace Out

-B