Nobody puts baillee in the corner

When it comes to my professional life, I like having a set schedule. I like having deadlines and knowing things in advance. I like to be early, and I don’t mind staying late. In my personal life, I make weekly to-do lists and keep things really neat. I’m responsible enough that people trust me to take care of their homes and watch their animals. I try to never forget a birthday and send thank you cards when necessary. I make plans with friends by sending texts that start with “What is your schedule like this week?” because, you know, I’m really good at pretending to be an adult. I sometimes even say things like at the grocery store like “Wow, lemons are on sale!” or “Hummus is on sale!” or “The state of this economy, am I right?” to some random person beside me trying to grab a Combo Loco coupon. But, there is one part of my life that is spontaneous: my hair.

Right now, it’s a nice brown color only found in the erotic dreams of a Pro Cuts employee, and I absolutely hate it. I’m already budgeting in my head for hair color. Also, it’s “grown out” which by my standards includes growing over my ear thus giving me the allusion of being a 14-year-old boy when wearing any hat but a beanie; then, I look like a 16-year-old boy, thank you. I’m considering dying my hair purple and getting a pixie with buzzed sides, not because of some deep-rooted, teenage rebellion still engrained in my psyche (mostly because my mom and I dyed and cut each others’ hair all the time) but because it’s one of the few things in my life I have full control over. My hair often reflects where I am in life, so I guess I’m in the phase of my life where I need purple hair. But enough about me, let’s get to you.

I think everyone should cut all of their hair off at least once. I can honestly tell you there is nothing more freeing than looking down at the floor to see the remnants of, in my case, your fluffy Mufasa main lining the floor. There’s nothing better than not having to put your hair in a ponytail at work or have hair stick to the back of your neck in the sweltering Texas heat. Having short hair is the greatest. On the flip side, trying to grow out a pixie cut can be tricky, but luckily our robot overlords created Pinterest to spread the word about coconut oil treatments and turn us all into crafty zombies to carry out their Martha Stewart-esque agenda. I digress. Go cut your hair off. Find a picture you like and go for it. It’s hair. It will grow back. I survived having a chili bowl from 1997-1999, and I turned out just fine. If it looks bad, wear it confidently and turn to Pinterest for ideas on how to style it and world domination through Finding Nemo themed cupcakes. I repeat: You. Will. Be. Fine.

If you aren’t ready to cut off your hair, dye it the mint you’ve been wanting to! Who the hell cares?* You can always buy $3 hair dye and go back to a natural color. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mother, nurse, or say, an Assistant Manager at an ice cream store. As long as you’re confident about it, as the great theologian Madame Taylor Swift taught us, “Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate.” You got this.

*I am not responsible for any divorces, pink slips, and/or robot-centric mind control through popular crafting social media platforms.